What is the soundtrack to the end of the world?

Y’all…. I’ve been fighting for my life. 2025 has been 51 days straight of violence— nervous system overload, malevolent masterplans unfolding by the ugly niggas who run the government, fascisms long overdue Great Mask-Off Unveiling, a very intentionally overwhelming barrage of literally cinematic (derogatory) headlines…all things we knew this country was founded for and by and within and of but phew that doesn’t stop it from being absolutely brazy to watch unfold.

And personally, my physical and mental health are a little bit in shambles (I’ve seen 2 dentists, 2 therapists, 1 gastroenterologist, 1 podiatrist, and a psychiatrist so far and I am currently in my second bout of sickness, all since Jan 1). I’m largely fine, nothing serious at all, but it’s been making me think a lot of about the relationship between relief and suffering. I tend to locate relief by holding my breath between moments of suffering, and by coming up for air when everything’s OK again (trauma response). This week, with my fifty leven different illnesses that don’t all have a simple solve, and the world becoming bleaker and bleaker, that wasn’t gonna work. She can’t just disassociate—she has to work! So I had to accept my reality and push forward within that one, sans relief.

So.. what does relief from suffering look like? What does it feel like? Taste like? Sound like?

The other day, some of my mom’s bougie, upwardly mobile and fabulous Black lady friends pissed her off so bad because she was sending them some typical topline updates of the day (I think that day it was Elon’s nazi salute) on some “how are y’all feeling about this general mess?” “What’s your plan? “What’s tea?" Their response…

“I’m not letting anything disturb my peace.” 

We ❤️ class. But yes, best believe she was SICK and still is lmao. And I feel her! I feel very alienated from a lot of the world, people who think like this, more than I ever have, because I’m like—do y’all see what’s going on? Your peace is already disturbed! The peace fortress has been impacted. The security guards have been laid off (literally). It’s not 2014, this is not Buzzfeed... relief can no longer look like opting out or checking out of suffering. Mind you, a lot of Americans couldn’t quite opt out of suffering—we gotta suffer for America to be working properly but even for those who could..that list is growing slimmer and slimmer.

But what does looking suffering and fascism in the face actually mean? I’m a gay nigga in Brooklyn who’s been beaten down by Amurica and can barely function doing a 9-5 (which had to be created by design like- just enough time to consume, not enough to rest, create, or commune (or revolt)). It all has me feeling flustered as to where I should direct my very limited energy. What is my role at the end of the world? What is the role of music (and relatedly, music criticism) during the end of the world?

I’m being a bit dramatic calling it the end of the world—that reality might have been easier than what’s happening now, America’s dastard hurdling towards fascism and unprecedented levels of economic/social devastation and unrest. But it has a nice ring to it, and in some ways—the fake, two-way mirror of a world Amurica has bloodily built is ending or changing as we know it and that is the end of a world in some way.

Anyway—any question I wrote above and didn’t answer is because I literally don’t fucking know girl? But I do think that.. it seems music and art will live on, even amongst the flames, drought, displacement and destitution. Maybe for refuge, for protest, for self-soothing, for gathering, for joy, for nothing. My opinions on ‘art as revolution’ are changing by the hour tbh. But it’s even more likely it’ll be used as a tool of distraction (fascism), empty symbolism (fascism), etc (fascism). Which brings me to a place of certainty that my critical voice is still important…especially when it’s clearer than ever that so much of mainstream media is just a tool of fascism too.

So what is the soundtrack to the end of the world?

that ONE, i can answer. ← Those are some songs I’ve been drawn to during this hellish time we are living in. And below are just a couple fave lyrics that I caught myself feeling comforted by/clocking/gagging at on shuffle in regards to the current state of affairs. I started associating the songs together, putting them on one queue and then I was like wait - let me make a playlist!

May you feel somehow seen or heard like I do! And per usual—at the very least lemme put you on to some fire 😎?

gold fronts — Fousheé (feat. Lil Wayne)

“They don’t make the sane type anymore
All my homies got problems
We self-medicate
What'd you do today?
I stared at my phone for hours
Since the city's fucked
Why don't we twist one up?”

Make It Out Alive—Nao (feat. SiR)

“Fall too deep, too deep to get outta here
Too deep, too deep to get outta here
House burnt down, burnt down to the fucking ground
I don't even care now if I make it out
Can't get out my head, it's the atmosphere
Colours change, blue grass like the Lumineers
I'm too deep, too deep to get outta here
Too deep, too deep to get outta here

And how do we make it out alive?”

WAIT — Doechii

“No need to bring fall back in August, September
You should just fall back and wait (Wait, wait)
Who wants to clear the fog and all the smog in your mirrors
When you could just fall back and wait? (Wait, wait, wait)
Delete your call log and clear your agenda
You should just eat what's on your plate (Woo, woo)”

Solo — Frank Ocean

“It’s hell on earth and the city’s on fire
Inhale, in hell there’s heaven”

Screwed—Janelle Monae (feat. Zoe Kravitz)

We're gonna crash your party
Let's get screwed, I don't care
You fucked the world up now
We'll fuck it all back down

Let's get screwed
I don't care
We'll put water in your guns
We'll do it all for fun
Let's get screwed”

gold fronts — Foushee (feat. Lil Wayne)

“And I think this year had a personal vendetta. There's always 2031.”

Go listen! Hit me up with suggestions—I will consider all. Feel free to comment on the post too- I turned it on for this one. let’s get the chat (SZA on “30 for 30” voice) popping!

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